Hi Kate! My name is Steve, but all of my friends call me Ball-Rot. I'm not sure how they came up with that nickname, but it sure sounds clever!
Basically, I'm going thru a mid-life crisis. I'm about to turn 40 and I can't stop dating teenagers. I keep thinking I'm going to find a lady and we're going to settle down. You know, picket fence and the whole 9 yards. Right about the time I start bringing up marriage and starting our family, they give me this darn tootin' bs about just graduating high school and not being ready. What the hell?! Why didn't they tell me that in the beginning? I don't understand! They are screwing me over!!!
You know what I'm gonna do? I'll tell you! I'm gonna become a rocket scientist! Yeah, that'll show those barely legal bitches! And I'm gonna get drunk on the weekend and text all of their friends at 3 am. And then when they get tired of me contacting them for days in a row and tell me to chill out and they delete me from facebook, I'll continute to contact them and tell them to stop contacting me or I'll call the authorities! That'll make me look cool!
Right? Do you have any advice for me? Please!
Yours Truly,
Ball-Rot
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Dear Ball-Rot,
I think your first task is figuring out why you got the nickname you did, and curing the problem. Next, quit being a fucking psycho! Do the world a favor and stop dating. Just stop talking to people in general. And good luck with your new career choice.
Love,
KTG
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